Hey there, it’s Dennis.
In today’s issue:
Why “fixing the fence” no longer rules my mornings
Three little words from a friend that shifted everything
How letting go of control can bring peace, health, and better relationships
Questions you can ask yourself when frustration starts rising
Lessons From Blondie, Harry, and Three Little Words
The air was cool and damp as I stepped out to take Teddy and Buddy for their morning walk. Looking up, without a cloud in the sky, every star was twinkling brightly, and it was easy to see the few constellations I remembered. The crickets chirped loudly, and as I rounded the corner, Blondie was completing the scene of living on a farm. That horse was again out of the pasture and happily grazing in the front yard without a care in the world.
Only today, there was a new addition as Harry, the Donkey, had joined Blondie for her recurring walkabout around the house.
In my head, I heard the voice of my friend Joe as it said, “Let them be,” and I smiled, called out “Good Morning” to both Blondie and Harry before continuing my morning walk with Teddy and Buddy. I was happy, content, and grateful as we walked along the curved driveway, pausing for the boys to sniff the ground while I basked in the peace of a day just beginning. Sounds amazing, right?
Yet, it wasn’t always this way…
There was a time, and it wasn’t all that long ago, that I would have become very frustrated and even angry at seeing Blondie out of the pasture. I would have rushed the dogs back into the house and quickly charged back out to force Blondie back into the pasture, then spent a couple of hours examining each section of the fence to ensure it was repaired.
It would have clouded and affected the rest of my day as I beat myself for not being good enough as a farmer to control my horses. The brunt of that frustration and anger would play out with my family and those whose paths I crossed, being the recipients as it vented out from me. That approach was not only a recipe for a “bad” day, but it was also a recipe for an unhealthy lifestyle.
So, what changed?
Simply, it was a conversation with Joe.
Joe shared with me on a call a new approach he had adopted: “Let them be,” and some quick work with Google helped me to learn more about the “Let Them Theory” that was developed by Mel Robbins with a book by the same title. In full disclosure, I have not read the book yet (it is in the queue). However, I have been able to find success in using this concept, and I believe that you can find success as well, as soon as you start to familiarize yourself with it and apply it.
In nutshell, the approach is one that is focused on YOU stopping your attempts to control and/or change the actions of others. I'm not sure Mel was referring to a horse and donkey, but it demonstrates the power of the approach I have extended into that realm. This radical shift to accepting others as they are and establishing your boundaries will significantly reduce your stress, improve your energy and your relationship with yourself and with others.
Here is how I started to apply, and it did start with Blondie and Harry that early morning.
Control and Influence – Not everything is in your control. Practice recognizing when you are working really hard to exert control over something (person or situation) that is beyond your control. When we attempt to control that which is beyond our control, it leads to stress, frustration, and ultimately anger.
Acceptance – Learning and practicing acceptance of others is a big step and one that you will find very rewarding in the positive impact it has on your mood and your energy. Their behaviors and actions are theirs, and they are not yours to control.
Internal Focus – Shift from trying to control another person’s journey to focusing on your own dreams and aspirations. This will direct your mental and emotional energy where it can do the best, leading to a more fulfilling life.
Boundaries – Practice setting and maintaining healthy boundaries. Stop replaying the same pattern over and over and over again. It is not about changing others; it is about changing your relationship with the need to be in control.
Cultivate Resilience – You will make mistakes, you will take a step or two back, and you will face situations that challenge your “Let them be” approach. When you falter, recognize it, learn from it, and get back on your path.
Here are the questions that I ask myself when I feel my frustration level rising.
Why am I talking? – What is the outcome that I am seeking from my words? If it is to change another person’s behaviors or actions, then I am seeking to control that which is not within my control.
Who owns this? – Within a given situation, there is always a person who is accountable for the outcome. If I am inserting myself into a situation that is another person’s accountability, then I am seeking to control that which is not within my control.
What is my body telling me? – Much like the gauges in our cars, our heart rate, breath, perspiration, and muscles communicate with us. If you are tense, breathing shallow, with a high heart rate, and perspiration, you are either exercising or seeking to control that which is not within your control.
These days, Blondie, Harry, and I are all a lot happier, experiencing a more productive relationship and more joy in our days. Neither of them wanders beyond the yard immediately around our house, and they use the passage I have left in the fence for them to enter and exit the pasture. I now look forward to seeing them when I go outside and having a great conversation with them to reenergize myself. By extension, my family is a lot happier as well because I am not frustrated or angry and am venting those feelings on them. I am healthier because I am not taxing my body with the stress and anger that we all know is not good for our hearts.
Three little words, “Let them be,” shared over a phone call with my friend Joe, have had a profound change in my life. I ask you to consider bringing those three same words into your life and making a change for the better.
Quote of The Week:
“Acceptance of what has happened is the first step to overcoming the consequences of any misfortune.” — William James
That’s a wrap.
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Until next time!
The Tiger Is Inside You.