Hey there, it’s Dennis.
In today’s issue:
Why “just work harder” keeps us stuck more than it helps
How discipline can quietly turn into isolation
The real reason self-reliance eventually stops working
A better way to grow, with support, mirrors, and community
You Don’t Need More Discipline
“Strength doesn’t come from being taught it comes from being tested”
(Pyschology of people who grew up in the 1970s – YouTube).
If that line resonated with you, then you understand the word “discipline” you either learned it through experience or through the teaching, coaching, or mentoring of someone who had it ingrained in them.
I learned the concept of Discipline, Responsibility and Accountability growing up on the outskirts of a suburb in rural Wisconsin. We didn’t have a farm, but we had a 1 acre garden and some farm animals.
I had morning, afternoon and evening chores for which I received no allowance, as it was my contribution to the family (as explained by my father). Those life lessons were carried with me into adulthood and even today, I echo this drive to be self-reliant, to figure it out on my own, even when I really have no clue where to start.
I have an auto-run pattern of “Just Work Harder” “Just keep working at it” “If only I were just more disciplined, this wouldn’t be an issue.”
Yes, it has served me well at times. Yet, at other times it has lead to frustration, anger, failure and abandoning ideas, concepts and dreams because I simply was not able to figure out the next step.
I was stuck in that pattern much like Sisyphus pushing his boulder up the hill, until I found a community that showed me a different pattern. This new pattern was strange, at first, people encouraging, supporting, guiding, and helping me to push past my barriers and to succeed where I had failed in the past.
Through this new pattern I learned that self-reliance has limits and continuing to go it alone doesn’t always make you stronger, it just makes you more and more tired.
I used to pull the discipline lever when I was stuck figuring that working harder would solve the problem. However, I was working on the wrong problem as the root of it all was the self-imposed isolation that I was NOT working on.
I didn’t need to double down on discipline, it was not moving me forward and I needed to let go of the shame that I was feeling when I asked for help.
I needed to acknowledge that I had reached the edge of solo growth and that the next step on my path was one where I needed someone to walk along with me.
Yes, we have the capacity to be strong, resilient, and disciplined.
To be self-reliant.
At the same time we must recognize and accept that historically, growth did not happen in isolation it happened in groups, in communities, in tribes, in villages, and in family units.
Even thinking back to my childhood, I was never truly on my own to figure out a problem, I had my family and friends.
As humans we evolved and grew through mirrors, trusted people who could see what we couldn’t see from our perspective, who could call out what we had accepted as normal and most importantly to steady us and walk with us when we needed to push through our patterns that we were far to close to even see.
Learning to recognize when discipline has transformed into arrogance and stubbornness helps us to realize when we need to reach out for help.
We must learn to embrace the concept that growth can feel supported, aligned and sustainable. In doing so we do more than get help with our challenge, we communicate that we are willing to help others with their challenge and in doing so, we find and build our community.
Still not sure I am on the right track here?
Consider this viewpoint when I comes to getting some help with a challenge.
Support does not remove the need for or replace discipline; it directs it!
The bottom line is that we all have blind spots and to see clearly into a blind spot you need a mirror.
You need a community of friends, colleagues, mentors and coaches that can be there to interrupt a pattern that you are stuck in, provide awareness and to walk with you until you are again at a point where you can walk on your own.
For me my community is the Fire community; Fire Walkers, Fire Dancers, Fire Magicians, those who seek to connect with a core element, be a part of a community who willing to help and support, those who seek to push themselves with challenges and to grow together.
Here are a few questions which you can ask yourself to gain some insight into where you might reach out to a coach, mentor or your community for support.
Where are you pushing without progress?
Where are you disciplined, but not aligned?
What might change if you didn’t have to do this part alone?
Choosing support is not an admission of failure it is recognition that the old way of approaching the problem is not leading to a solution. You don’t need to go to continue to struggle, to collapse in failure before reaching out your hand for help.
Can you think of a place where you’re stuck and unsure of the next step?
Coaching is not a commitment, it is a conversation. If you’re curious about what aligned, supported growth could look like for you, that door is open.
And if this newsletter stirred something with you that you haven’t quite named yet — If this is where you are, you already know.
Until next time,
The Tiger Is Inside You.
Have you ever noticed that voice that reverberates in your head the minute you consider a new experience or an action to make your dreams a reality? The one that seems to whisper “You’re not ready” or shouts “What if you fail?”
That is the Tiger that I refer to and the idea of creating the metaphor for the Tiger came from Jim Lawless in his book, Taming Tigers.
It’s fear and self-doubt dressed up as protection, convincing us to stay safe instead of stepping forward and growing. The Tiger is loud, convincing and relentless, but here’s the truth: it only has the power we give it.
Every time you step forward in spite of that roar, you weaken its grip and strengthen your own. That is what Tiger Letters are all about, sharing knowledge, experience, fears and inner strength to make your dreams a reality.
So, the next time your Tiger ROARS, smile at it, step forward reclaiming your power and break through the fear barrier into your growth zone.
Before you go, here is ONE way you can work with me.
Book your FREE Kickstart Call with me - 1:1 performance coaching to help you break through fear, self-doubt, and procrastination—so you can finally move forward with clarity, confidence, and courage.
Until next time!
The Tiger Is Inside You.