Meet Your Tiger: The First Step to Facing Fear

Missed last week’s issue? Read The Phoenix Trial

Hey there, it’s Dennis.

In today’s issue:

I stood in front of the room, all eyes upon me.

Well, most eyes upon me. Others were on their computers and cell phones. I clearly didn’t have their attention, and that simple fact resonated within my head as I moved to start speaking.

That simple thought, not having everyone’s attention, was all it took to open the door for my Tiger to burst through, sharing with me an endless tirade of “What if…” questions about my impending failure.

Yet, I remained calm. I felt confident and I moved to stand in front of the podium (not requiring its protection).

See, I had recognized the Tiger before the first roar reverberated in my head from a few telltale signs that I had trained myself to identify. My chest felt tight, my breath was shallow, my eyes were darting around the room scanning each person, my ears strained to hear the attendees’ conversations, and it felt like my planned presentation was escaping.

Having recognized the triggers associated with the Tiger, I implemented my action plan, and began my presentation, which was well received and evoked multiple post-presentation conversations.

I am willing to bet that when you scan your memory, you can think of a similar situation, where you were about to do something you really wanted to do and, at the last minute, you changed your mind and retreated back to the safety of your comfort zone.

It is likely that you felt relieved with this decision that had “saved” you from failure or embarrassment, reinforcing that it was the right decision. Oblivious to the fact that your body’s natural tendency to sustain homeostasis and protect you was the driver behind it.

Of course, back when the event you’re recalling took place, you were not aware of or keyed into the Tiger and the subtle ways in which it will manipulate and control your decisions.

Today’s newsletter is focused on shining a light on the Tiger — leaving no shadowy area for him or her to hide in your mind — so that you can take back control of your decisions and make them consciously.

With that, let’s get into into how to recognize when your Tiger is taking control.

Jim Lawless uses the metaphor of writing your story — who is holding the pen to author that story?

Are you holding the pen and writing the story of your dreams? Or have you, willingly, given the pen over to the Tiger so that it might be the author of your story, the determiner of your hopes, dreams, and aspirations?

Let’s drill down a bit deeper so that you can answer the authorship question with confidence and conviction.

1. What is my desired outcome, and why is that outcome important?
Having clarity of your outcome. What you’re trying to achieve, the actions you need to take to achieve it, and why it’s important to you — is an absolute must and the perfect starting point.

When you ask this question, if the action you’re considering moves you toward achieving your outcome and you take that action, you are the one in control.

On the other hand, if you choose not to take an action that would move you toward achieving your outcome — the Tiger is in control.

2. Is what I am about to do uncomfortable, or is it dangerous?
There is a vast difference between doing something that’s uncomfortable and something that’s dangerous. That difference is fear.

Both the Firewalking Center and the Firewalking Institute for Research and Education define fear as False Evidence Appearing Real.

In other words, it’s a construct of our brain as it prepares to activate our Fight or Flight response.

Fear is imagining what might happen if you take the action, which is not always the same as what will happen.

Feeling a little trepidation before doing something new is natural; allowing that same trepidation to grow into fear that prevents you from taking action which is not dangerous is allowing the Tiger to make that decision.

3. What are the physical sensations I am feeling in my body?
We’ve all felt the physical sensations associated with the Tiger at some point. Sweaty palms, tense muscles, shallow breaths, eyes scanning everything around us, ears straining to hear every sound.

These are not only a key that the Tiger is preparing to roar. They’re also your brain preparing your body for Fight or Flight.

If you’ve identified that the action moves you toward your outcome, and you’ve assessed that the risks can be managed, then push through those sensations and maintain control — rather than surrendering it to the Tiger.

4. What are the thoughts in my mind, and how do those thoughts affect my outcome?
Self-talk is as real as having a conversation with another person; we’re just having it in our own brain.

The key from my perspective is that you do not start with self-talk. It’s my fourth question for a reason. By this point, I’m ready for the negative and “sky is falling” Tiger talk that will come forth.

Assessing the points that Tiger raises against the effect they have on your outcome can help you determine whether or not you are the one in conscious control.

5. Am I focused on what is in my control?
Lastly, and my favorite question: what am I focused on?

Our brains, in an effort to maintain homeostasis and protect our lives, try to control the world around us. The challenge is that a large portion of what we try to control simply isn’t ours to control.

For something to be fully in your control, a decision, situation, or action must be one where you can decide to take the action, take the action, and accept the results — all without another person’s input or approval being required.

・・・・・・

Five simple questions whose answers highlight the moments when you are at risk of handing over control to the Tiger.

Learning to identify when your Tiger is starting to assert control takes practice. I encourage you to start practicing today.

Write down the five questions. Keep them in your wallet, purse, or pocket. Set them as your screensaver or the background on your phone.

Write them down in your journal and reflect on them throughout the day.

Once you do, Spotting the Tiger will become second nature and you’ll start to consciously decide who is making the decisions.

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