Building Your Fear Barrier

Hey there, it’s Dennis.

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I was at a pool party watching everyone in attendance revel in the time together. Watching the children play in the pool under the watchful eye of their parents. I was particularly struck by two children that I was observing. Both near to each other in age and both learning how to swim without the aid of a flotation device.

I watched as one young boy climbed up the 8ft slide (supported by an adult). Upon reaching the top and sitting down, he grabbed the sides of the slide and propelled himself forward and down, flying off the end and into the water with a splash. His swimming flotation aid kept him afloat and his dad was right there waiting for him. He giggled and laughed, crying out “Again” and in this instant there was no brick placed on the Fear Barrier.

Two Approaches to Fear and Support

Contrast that with the other little boy, whose watchful parent was repeatedly warning them to stay in the shallow end where their feet could touch, stay close to the side where they could grab the edge for support and close to the stairs. The instructions were given from a chair beside the pool. The boy enjoyed playing in the water and you would only hear panic from him if he veered too far towards the middle or a little deeper where he couldn’t quite touch and keep his head above water.

The boy was clearly enjoying his time in the water and he often looked toward the deeper end where others were swimming. You could tell he thought about going there and I can only assume the Tiger roared each time that thought crossed his mind, keeping him safely in the comfort zone.

Understanding Fear’s Role

Fear is the brain predicting, working to warn us of a situation that might require fight, flight, freeze or defensive rage. While it harkens back to early humans living moment to moment, it is as important today, just with different dangers. The thing is, fear is an early warning of a POSSIBLE danger and not always of an actual one.

We have the ability to assess the warning and either take action to determine if it is real, to mitigate the danger (swim aid flotation device) or to avoid the danger (stay out of the water). It is situationally dependent. Yet, more often than any of us would like to acknowledge, fear becomes more than a warning sign—it becomes a solid barrier preventing us from fully living our lives and attaining our dreams and aspirations.

The Origin and Nature of Our Fear Barrier

From the time we are born we begin to build our Fear Barrier. Evolution has provided us with a starting point and then hands the job of building, remodeling and maintaining our Fear Barrier to us.

For some there is a quite large, imposing and elaborate barrier that has been constructed. For others it is as porous as fence posts that have not been joined together by a fence. Each Fear Barrier is unique to the individual and is based upon their personal experiences, the experiences of others, such as their parents, who influence them as children, schools, society, etc. These outside forces, with the best intent, can add bricks to another’s Fear Barrier.

The Impact of Our Support Networks

Today, I saw one young boy whose support network encouraged him to explore and live in the world around him. That support network was close at hand to take action should it be required to aid the young boy.

I also saw another little boy who is unlikely to swim outside of a controlled environment as his support network over stimulated the avoidance of experience based on fear; effectively adding a brick to his fear barrier.

I write this not to celebrate or chastise either situation or the action taken by the boy’s support networks. Neither one of them is right or wrong; again, it is situationally dependent, and we cannot judge another based off of an external observation.

I wrote this as a reminder that if you want to experience growth, you must face the voice in your head, you must examine your fear barrier, and if you want to make a change, you must remove bricks from your fear barrier. Also, to remind myself of the influence I can have on another person’s fear barrier.

A Reflection on Growth and Influence

There is a wide world out there with amazing experiences waiting for you; don’t let the roar of your Tiger determine which of them you enjoy.